Ó Cochlain's mounted leisure-plex

Not entirely new, certainly not to Corkonians, but Foburg.com, the Web site for Flannery's Mounted Head, a song cycle by Cathal Coughlan, is unmissable experience.

How long until some lunatic actually builds something like this? Most likely in Dubai. Please forgive the extra long quotation, but I have a feeling that this stuff will turn out to be scarily prescient.

John Lewis: One of our many UK visitors, this three-level branch of the popular chain features all the staples required to live life in a hallucinated mental edition of the UK's famous Daily Mail newspaper, until such time as the firemen come to pump your stomach. Never knowingly brought under the yoke of anything in a primary colour.

Next: Dependable like the diseases you can catch by having full unprotected intercourse with estate agents, this long-established UK retailer offers everything required to meet the sartorial needs of those with pencil necks and shameful balloon bottoms. Endorsed by Christina Aguilera's butler, Slavko 'Take This Hammer' Praesidium.

Ronan McCarthy-Roosevelt's Mother Macushla Peasant Diner: Knock yourself out with the delicious all-you-can eat buffet of pig's feet and drisheen, interspersed with riotous bursts of authentic have-a-go Irish step-dancing at this funky day-and-night party spot, brought to you by former Lord of the Rings understudy McCarthy-Roosevelt. Don't forget to pick up your signed photo of Ronan fellating himself, wearing nothing but snakeskin cowboy-boots and a green neckerchief, as you wearily leave, dawn on the woozy horizon!

For Dad and Mom, there's a full 18-hole micro-golf course in Foburg Country Club, which also boasts fine dining, 1980's Death Metal Karaoke nights and hygienic Sex Dungeon facilities.

Add to this a fully-equipped gym, complete with wanker semi-paid staff and one CD of the greatest works of DJ Sammy, at the Foburg branch of Le Pen Leisure, and smack & crack dealers within 24/7 mobile telephone reach, and even a complete peasant can see that Foburg Valley offers the first and last expletives in Leisure.

For more about the great man himself, see CathalCoughlan.com. Sadly he has yet to get around to singing the phonebook, despite exhortations from the late John Peel.

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